Have you ever seen one of those hot geysers where there’s a bubbling mudpool?

My resistance to change is a lot like that.

One minute you’re looking at the flat calm surface of the mud. The next minute, something dark and noxious belches its way up to the surface, splatters around and then disappears again.

I had this yesterday with regard to my Key Step 1 change.

In particular, what belched-up was my “Ah F#ck-it” tendency. This happens every time I try to change something. I just find it so tough to be controlled (even by myself) and I have this great self-destruct button, which is so much more fun to press than having to actually implement change.

Yesterday I got as far as “get out of the office by 5pm” only to find a very nice half-crate of wine had been sent to me as a ‘thank you’ for services rendered. Needless to say, I didn’t achieve my “no eating/drinking after 8pm”, didn’t get to bed on time, didn’t get up at 6am - which would have been tough, as I turned the alarm off last night!

So, what do you do when you’ve made a commitment to change, only to find that smelly old resistance belches up to the surface and splatters all your good intentions?

Well, what I’ve seen before with myself is that it’s certainly too early to go changing that intention. In fact, resistance at this stage is a good sign, it means I’m probably on to some useful/impactful change and it’s better to get it out now than in six week’s time.

I gave myself seven weeks, yesterday was day 1, 48 more to go.

Checking in to report on progress against the seven components of Key Step 1 (see entry below).

How did I do?

I got out of the office at about 2 minutes past 5 yesterday, so good going. Realised that part of what often keeps me IN the office was then arriving home as my son was having his supper and having to sit around while he eats soooo slowly; boring! Later I cooked dinner and made sure we ate by 7:30 and then had nothing to eat after that.

Watched a film then off to bed at around 10pm. But then let the side down by reading until gone 11 - despite being tired. Fascinating to notice how many ‘little’ habits go to make up the patterns of my life - so no wonder it can be tough to change ‘big’ things. That reading late is one to keep control of from now on. Alarm went off at 6am this morning - and I can’t believe how early that felt. Didn’t get up, but just lay there awake.

Overall, it feels like a kind of ‘middling’ start - some things achieved, others not, some new stuff learned.

… continued from previous entry

So, to move out of that circle, I’m establishing some Key Steps on the way towards my goals. I’m going to move  v..e..r..y  s..l..o..w..l..y.  They say it takes seven weeks to change a habit, so I’m going to give myself seven weeks EACH to put in place these next Key Steps:

1. to change the time I get up; then
2. to take exercise everyday; then
3. to eat very healthily.

It seems like a terribly long time and crazy to not just do all of these at the same time. But you know what, trying to do that has just not been working for me. And that’s a definition of crazy, isn’t it - doing the same thing over and over but expecting to get different results!

And I’m not just leaving it there, I’m actually going to chunk it down even further, to go even slower. For Key Step 1: Change the Time I get Up, I’ve established seven components which I can measure everyday. I’ve put these in the following order because I also think there’s a sequence to them. If I want to break out of that destructive circle, I reckon I need to have this sequence in place:

1. Get out of the office by 5pm when it’s not a late coaching day
2. Eat main meal by 7:30pm at the latest
3. Get to bed by 10:30pm at the latest
4. No eating/drinking anything other than water after 8pm
5. When I’m going to be out or away in the afternoons & evenings, plan my eating, so I can still achieve 1-4, above
6. When I have late coaching days (about two or three times a week), plan my eating, again so that I can still achieve 1-4, above
7. Get up at 6am

I actually started this yesterday, so already have some feedback/results on it. I’ll publish that in the next entry.

Getting to my goals of looking good and feeling fresh has proved very difficult over the last year.

I’ve had this rather depressing and disempowering experience of chasing around in circles about it. Partly that was because I hadn’t actually stopped to get clear about what those goals where or to write them down. And partly it was because I hurt my back and slipped off the healthy path in a big way. But mostly I reckon it was because of not knowing how to break into (or out of) what IS actually a really circular relationship.

What I now think has been going on is that:

• I’ve not been exercising because I’ve been too tired
  (recognise the circularity already just in that?)
• I’m not eating properly because I’m too tired and not exercising
• I’m not sleeping well because I’m not exercising and I’m not eating properly.

Despite hiring a trainer (which has worked for me in the past) nothing has been changing. I need a way to break into this circularity. And I’ve been so tough on myself about it. I’ve been listening to all my gremlin voices - one minute they’re complaining because I’m not feeling good, the next minute they’re telling me how pathetic I am for not getting fit again over night.

I’ve decided to really slow it down. To make the opening up of this circle a very important thing in itself. To take it very very easy, like I was recovering from a major accident or coming out of hospital after a serious illness. I need to give myself as much time and space as it takes to move forwards.

See next entry for more…

One of the things that’s important to me is to be VERY visible. I want large numbers of people to know what I’m about, to listen to what I have to say, to recognise who I am. Books, TV programmes, sell-out public appearences. There, I said it.

And as I’m working towards that, one of the things that feels like it’s getting in the way is my physical health. I know this could be wrong, because it’s always hard to see the truth in these things, but it genuinely feels like my physical condition is not up to the task. Right now, I don’t have the energy to sustain the effort it takes to achieve what I want. My body doesn’t feel aligned with what I’m about, my thoughts are clouded, fatigued almost; I don’t even think I ‘look’ like who I am.

So, in support of my Big Hairy Audacious Goal to be so very visible, I’ve set myself a couple of ‘along the way’ goals:

Goal One: to feel fresh - not fatigued, to have plenty of ‘get up and go’, head clear

Goal two: to look good - toned muscles, sleek figure, good skin.

My gremlin can’t believe I’ve actually dared write all this down here. It says, “what will people think of you, Nick!?”

And to keep these entries bite-sized, I’ll publish this and write more later about how to get to those goals.

I need to make my blog a little more personal.

I like the way it is and how it reads - it is genuinely me. But a big part of my original intention was for it to be a tool for my ongoing personal development - and I notice that I’m actually waiting until I’ve ‘grown’ or learned stuff or changed things BEFORE I publish it here.

My gremlin voices are telling me I can’t share all the messiness or ridiculous fears or bizzare dreams I have for my life and work; that I have to ‘fix’ all that and THEN I can tell people how I fixed it. After all, I make my living helping other people towards their dreams and through their fears - they won’t hire me if I haven’t got all that sorted, will they? And the gremlin says it’ll be boring for people, too inwardly focussed, how will they learn from me if ths blog is just a record of my own stumblings along?

And, even if that’s true, that by exposing my own efforts I’ll somehow sabotage things, I STILL need somewhere to put my thoughts, to see my progress, to know that I am accountable for what I say I want.

So, let’s make a start - see next entry.

Originally I had this in with yesterday’s blog entry, [What is it About Maps?] but the two themes weren’t right together - so here it is on its own:

A lot of my coaching friends will recognise this phrase: “The map is not the territory”. Borrowed from the science of General Semantics, coaches and other practitioners use this phrase to remind people that what they believe to be ‘true’ about a person or thing or event, is actually coloured by their own internal beliefs and attitudes.

We construct our own mental maps of other people, of events and stuff, to help us understand them and to deal with our reactions to them - but those are just maps, they’re not actually the people or things themselves. And because we all have slightly different internal beliefs and attitudes, no two people can have exactly the same “map” - our ways of seeing and interpreting things will have a slightly different point of view. This can be the cause of our problems in communication - when we try to impose our map on somebody else.

Learning to recognise the structure of another person’s map allows us to see the world though their eyes and therefore understand and relate to others with respect, understanding and clarity. [click here to read more on this useful distinction]

Just put up a big world map on my 4-year-old son’s bedroom wall and we’ve been playing all sorts of games with it, imagining what people’s lives are like in different countries, figuring out how to get by boat from one country to another, talking about the animals and the weather.

What is it about maps that is so enticing?

From reading this blog entry, you won’t get that wonderful smell of the printer’s ink on a new map, or the clapping sound a large map makes as you shake it out.

With a map, you can go anywhere - if you have sun or stars you don’t even need a compass, just a good map.

With a map, you can see what a big, diverse world we live in. Everywhere are people who have hopes and fears just like us.

What about you - what do maps evoke for you?

Often when I think of maps, I remember a guy called Vivian Fuchs, a polar explorer. I read his obituary about 7 years ago, just because I was so struck by his face.

Looking at that face I think I see a man who is so ready to go find out what land the map actually represents - or even to go where there are no maps, to create them for others. And he had an interesting life, that wasn’t always easy and had a fair number of costly mistakes. He wrote a frank autobiography, ” A Time to Speak” which is now out of print. [click here for link to his obituary]

Other links you might be interested in if maps light your candle:

[Ordnance Survey - mapping Great Britain]

[Stanfords - maps and travel books to die for]

Also see tomorrow’s blog entry [The Map is Not the Territory]

I watched ‘The Apprentice’ (US version) the other evening [click here for link] and found myself actually liking Donald Trump. He was sincere, knew what he was talking about, cared for people and knew how to get the most out of others.

At first, I noticed I was a bit worried about this new-found appreciation of Donald Trump - and then I realised that’s because of two long-standing prejudices of mine.

This kind of discomfort usually arises because in some often subconscious way, we want or admire some of the qualities of the people or things we imagine that we despise.

Take my discomfort at admiring Donald Trump. First, it’s a kind of knee-jerk reaction against all things North American. I get this not because I don’t like the USA - I actually really love it, but because I’d like to have and be around some more of what they have - especially that brashness, that forward-drive, that ability to simplify everything.

Second, Donald represents money - in a big way!

At one point in my life, despite - or maybe because, money was coming my way relatively easily and in fairly large amounts, I realised I had some issues around it. I did a lot of work around dealing with this - but that residual discomfort at getting to like Donald Trump is a good sign I still have more work to do. When I get a chance, I’ll post some of this ‘how to be with money’ stuff in the blog.

For now, how about you?

Who or what do you notice really pushes your buttons?

What gets you riled?

And digging deeper - what is it about those people or things that you subconsciously admire or want more of?

…plan to fail.

 That’s it really. Do I need to say it again?

Actually I will say it again, since I forget it myself all the time:

Fail to plan - plan to fail.