You probably need to be better or try harder, don’t you?

Actually, in case you didn’t already know, I don’t really know about you!
But when I pay attention, I find I’m saying this kind of stuff to myself a lot.

Here’s the kind of things I notice:

 - Try Harder

 - Be Stronger

 - Be Better (’perfect’ would be nice)

 - Hurry Up

 - Be More Pleasing to Others

 - Be More Careful.

And even though I’ve been much more aware of this “self-critic” mechanism for a very long time now, I still find it troubling. What troubles me is that I still get caught out by thinking I don’t know the difference between my self-critic and something I genuinely want.

Let’s look at “try harder” as an example, as that’s a favourite saying of mine. I’ll find myself thinking that I haven’t contributed enough and will say: “Sh!t, I really must try harder at X”. Now, do I mean that? Do I really want to try harder at it?

How do I know whether this is a time when digging a bit deeper and trying harder is the right thing; or whether it’s just the voice of my inner critic?

Sometimes it must be right that I DO need to try harder, surely?

I don’t know if this is the same answer for everybody, but I think that for me the difference between a genuine “this IS the time to try harder” and something which is self-criticism, is that my genuine “try harders” somehow just happen. I’ll find myself rolling-up my sleeves and getting on with things - and being aware of doing so - but the voice of my inner-critic is silent.

On the other hand, when I’m not automaticaly rolling-up my sleeves and trying harder but my thoughts are telling me I should, that’s the time to put aside the critic and go try something different instead - learn something new, try a different approach, go figure out what I actually DO want - anything but try harder!

How about for you - what do you notice you should be trying harder or being better at?

And how do you tell the difference between a genuine “it is time to try harder” and the voice of your inner-critic?

Please write your answers or comments in the box below or by clicking “comments” at the end of this message.

With best regards,

Executive Life Coaching for smart, motivated people.

Dear Reader,

So, I’m on my way home from one of those weekend courses that makes you re-think a whole lot of stuff about work and life and so on. I get off the Metro and head across the bus terminal and a big, new, poster-sized sign catches my eye:

‘Destination Finder’

And part of my slightly muddled brain says: “Ooh, that’s interesting; I could do with checking that my life-purpose is on track”.

So imagine my disappointment to discover that this new poster is not about the meaning of life; it’s not even about how, if we get it right, our work can provide direction and purpose. No, this poster very usefully shows you where to stand when you want to catch a bus.

I didn’t need a bus, so I left the poster and headed home.

But it did get me thinking. What if there really was a poster, probably headed “Destination Finder”, that did show you all your choices about where you wanted to go in your life and your work?

If you came across that poster, sometime when your mind was open to it, what are some of the destination choices YOUR poster might show…?

And if there was a really important destination choice that’d somehow got left off, what might that be, and how would you feel to notice it was missing…?

Please write your answers or comments in the box below or by clicking “comments” at the end of this message.

With best regards,

Executive Life Coaching for smart, motivated people.

Dear Reader, 

I’m writing this just after breakfast with a very excited 5-year old pirate, as my son is dressed-up in recognition of World Book Day.

Us coaches love playing around with being different archetypal characters like this. It gives people access to attitudes and behaviours that everyone can do but which we somehow forget about in the ordinary course of things.

So, a pirate really knows how to challenge authority (not that my son needs any help with that!) and to selfishly indulge their appetites, and to weigh anchors at a moments notice and sail off in search of legendary treasure.

Robinson Crusoe is another favourite of mine; if I’m not feeling particularly resourceful or I’m concerned that I don’t have the things I need around me, I might step into being Crusoe for a couple of minutes - and that reminds me that with a little ingenuity I can create what I need from whatever is at hand.

Other archetypes I like playing around with myself include: Lord Byron - mad, bad and dangerous to know; Puck - mischevious, charming, shrewd and “knavish”; Bhudda - compassionate, connected, wise.

And how about you?

What behaviours or abilities do you need which an archetypal character would have?

Or maybe there’s a character in mind that you somehow know it’d be useful to play around with?

And if you were 5 years old and dressing up for World Book Day at school, who would you go as, and why?

Please write a comment in the box below or by clicking “comments” at the end of this message.

With best regards,

Executive Life Coaching for smart, motivated people.