I had some fantastic coaching recently at an event I’d helped organise, right at the beginning, in the opening mingle. Prompted by my partner, I somehow manage to blurt out: “I’m normally such a ‘go to’ person, but for today, I want to explore attraction and mystery”.

That must have emerged from somewhere important and my partner was on to it straight away with a great request – “I request that you stand right there for the rest of the mingle and let people come to you.”

How about you – are you also mostly a ‘go to’ person?
Here’s some ways you can tell: 

1. you like to change or improve the things around you?
2. you prefer being in charge to following along?
3. you often see ways to help people and you make overtures of friendliness and help?
4. you want to be wanted?
5. you often start new activities and seek others to join in with you?
6. you believe in “the more, the merrier”?

Like I always say, these behaviours are not in themselves good or bad to have. However, if you only use these behaviours, you might be missing out on ways to get along with others or simply to have what you want with less effort.

Here’s some suggestions for alternative strategies to experiment with:

If you answered “yes” to questions 1 or 2, you might want to experiment like I did by waiting for other people to take the initiative. Think “still, inactive and attractive”.

If you answered “yes” to questions 3 or 4, you might want to experiment with being more deliberately selfish; take care of your own needs first and, if you must help others, try asking them what they want first.

If you answered “yes” to questions 5 or 6, you might want to experiment with silence and solitude. Be an observer of your impulses and see how many you can let pass, in favour of staying the course towards your true goals.

And the result of my experiment in that opening mingle?

Instead of working the room like I might usually do, I stood there for about 15 minutes, experiencing the joy of people coming up to me  - and at one point, there was a queue!