Photo credit: flickr.com/photos/andjohan/

I get to work with a lot of people who are really good at getting stuff done, often when it’s neither easy nor straightforward, and I’m continually struck by how great they are at asking for help.

Here’s a simple tip based on how they gather so much help around them:

Expertise – nothing gets somebody talking like the subject they know most about. Asking people for help in an area where they have expertise is easy and almost always gets a positive response. In these days of networked knowledge, it’s the person’s expertise that makes them valuable, more so than the actual content of their knowledge. So the more they share that content the more valuable their expertise becomes.

Experience – I reckon that human beings are somehow hard-wired to want to tell you about stuff that has happened to them. Maybe it’s because that’s how our ancestors passed on knowledge and ensured the survival of the species. So it’s a simple step when you’ve got something that you want to do, to go ask somebody who’s already done it, just how they did it! I bet they help.

Emotion – And the granddaddy of asking for help is to find people who have an emotional attachment, either to the thing you’re looking to get done, or to you personally. I reckon the skill here is twofold – always letting people know what you’re up to; and being open to any response you might get.

Hope that helps.

What’s been your experience of asking for help (or not), and what tips might you suggest?

I’ve been experimenting with a kind of non-religious ‘blessing’ approach to things just recently. The kind of thing you might say to yourself – or to others – when you want a grounded but spiritual way of connecting with what’s really important, motivating and inspiring yourself and staying on-track.

Here’s one that captures the four elements of my own leadership model:

Great leadership definition from someone who is an Oscar nominee, Grammy award-winner & runs a $100m media-empire:

Ten Ways to Survive Working Really Hard

[802 words, approx 4 mins to read]

1. Prioritise
Just because you’ve got a lot to do doesn’t mean it’s the right stuff to do. Stay rigorous in your choices, say “no” when you need to, and continue to refresh your assessment of your ‘top three’ priorities. If you could only do three things before you were forced to take a break, what would they be?

2. Stay Connected
Don’t out-distance your colleagues, friends and family, to the point where you’re so far out in front you’re really on your own. This is not sustainable. Instead, make sure you have the balance of your effort right: senior people need to work hard at connecting with other people as much (if not more) as driving the task-achievement. Who do you need to connect with today?

3. Keep Part Of Your Pain Monitor Switched On
Like an athlete who knows how to get through the pain barrier, you can switch off a lot of the signals about how much it’s hurting. But you need to keep part of your mind monitoring this. What’s showing up on your pain monitor that you need to deal with?

4. Make Coming Down Routine
Working hard can be such a rush. I love feeling really alive with the pressure and buzz of it all. I don’t like the come-down so much, especially when I let it crash into me all at once. Music, movement, letting your eyes focus on the distance and anything which healthily engages your senses of touch and smell will really help. What might be in your come-down routine?

5. Keep It Light
Isn’t it a bit funny really, putting all this effort into stuff which probably won’t even exist 200 years from now? You’ve probably already seen something funny in it anyway? And I often feel like I’m Charlie Chaplin in that scene from Modern Times where he’s desperately trying to keep up with the ever-accelerating cogs and gears of the machine. Maybe I should grow a comic moustache – how about you?

6. Keep The End In Mind
There is some point to all this effort right? Even if it’s just to keep the wolf from the door? I only ask, because sometimes people have got the act of working really hard confused with the reason for working really hard. And that can lead to sub-optimal choices about the strategies you can use. Find your reason for working so hard, don’t be embarrassed by it, champion it, and keep it close by.

7. Use The 80:20 Rule
The first 20% of effort you put in gets 80% of the result. And conversely, the last 20% of the result takes the remaining 80% of your effort. Learn when 80%+ is a good enough result. Sony used this to devastating effect when first grabbing their huge share of the personal electronics market, and Apple may now be doing the same. Getting many 80% right results out there gives you more feedback, more time in the limelight and more opportunities to improve than getting out just a few 99% right results.

8. Go With The Flow Sometimes
Do I take the rough overgrown path every time, or the smooth downhill one? Should I push at the open door or try to knock down that closed one instead? I probably am strong enough to paddle my canoe upstream (for a while) but might it more sensible to go with the current downstream and save my strength for paddling round those dangerous rocks and pulling out of the water at that nice sandy bank? Hmm – what do you think?

9. Get A Life
This is often a difficult one for me, because there isn’t much that comes close to the personal reward I get from my work. But I’m better at my work (and probably a better person all round) when that isn’t the only thing in my life. Also, don’t try too hard to choose the ‘right’ other stuff to have in your life; best to just pick-up what’s (metaphorically) right in front of you and go with that. Got boots and hills? – go for a hike. Got kids? – go to the zoo. Got pots, basil and tomatoes? – cook Italian. Get it?

10. Don’t Take The Bait
People working really hard sometimes mistakenly bite at two different kinds of bait out of unconscious emotional reactions. The two types of bait to avoid are: (1) tempting possibilities that look at first like they will get you closer to your goal, but really end up wasting your time; & (2) painful prods connected to some flaw in yourself or your work and which lead to unproductive outbursts or withdrawals. To avoid both of these, be an observant fish and swim around the bait a few times before deciding if it’s a genuine juicy morsel or a hook waiting to catch you.

How people want to be able to look back on their lives and say, “This is the difference that I made.”

[609 words, approx three minutes to read]

When I polled a sample of around 100 people this year, the choice “Making a difference and having an impact on what I think is important” was the number 1 issue, by quite some margin. It’s something I’ve long believed that every human being wants. So, perhaps it’s fair to say that most of us feel this is central to being true to who we really are, to making the most of ourselves and to seeing our purpose in the world.

What’s also important to remember is that the way this drive shows up can be different for different people. In particular, there’s a crucial distinction between leaders who have a “towards” motivation, and leaders who have an “away-from” motivation:

• “Towards” people will find their desire to make a difference being expressed as opportunities or goals to be achieved, as a need to make a ‘positive’ difference or in terms of what could be accomplished
• “Away-from” people will be aware of problems that need to be solved, of wrongs that must be addressed or of risks that should be prevented.

My opinion is that both towards and away-from preferences are equally valid ways of making a difference. Knowing which preference you personally operate in any given circumstance is vital in discovering your own way and respecting others’.

It also seems to me, from the people I’ve worked with and my own research, that there are a great many flavours of how to make a difference. All of them can make either ‘big’ differences, or ‘small’ everyday ones and over time I’ve become convinced that scale is less important than actually doing something. Here’s some of the flavours I think I’ve observed in my clients over the years:

• making your mark wherever you happen to be working, just by having your presence felt in a positive way
• putting right small or large injustices either alone or as part of a team
• being the kind of person who saves the day or turns the situation around
• consistently nurturing and supporting other people, physically, emotionally or otherwise
• being the one who is able to capitalise on a great economic, business or social opportunity
• brightening things up, entertaining others, providing fun
• generating or synthesising keen insights and ideas
• creating something unique and/or expressive.

Problems can arise if you are not making a difference because we can then find ourselves:

• believing that there must be ONE perfect way to do it, if only we could find it…
• sacrificing ourselves in pursuit of the wrong kind of making a difference; playing the doomed superhero, being the tortured star-performer or something in-between
• not being open and available to the signals around us that might indicate how/what our true thing is
• not taking the kind of balanced risks that would put us in the right place at the right time
• failing to stay connected to the people and circumstances that really matter
• refusing to say goodbye to the old so we can welcome in the new.

Ultimately, not addressing these issues runs the risk of failing to make any of the difference we could have made.

How important ‘making a difference’ is to you; is it really a universal drive? And perhaps say how or in what flavour your way of making a difference occurs…

Only you can decide on the right development support for you. I’m a Certified Professional Coach, with fourteen years’ experience. My clients consistently report reaching their goals and happily refer colleagues.

My approach works well for those who prefer choice and possibility, using a fluid and natural approach based on step-by-step procedures and a reliable, proven methodology.

It works less well for those who are not yet looking for lasting change or improvement, or who are not ready to take responsibility for themselves, their work and others.

Here are some examples of the outcomes that clients report from our work together:

• A safe environment for thinking out loud in a potentially lonely role
• Enhance natural leadership strengths
• Transition to effective board membership
• Develop commercial drive
• Improve personal/team effectiveness and influencing in order to get results
• Constructive challenge and feedback
• Re-energise personal priorities

If it might be useful to consider some one-to-one development support, please contact me for an initial chat by clicking here.

A highly-effective, safe and economical classroom-based development programme for established, new and soon-to-be leaders, taking place over four one-day modules.

Created and led by an experienced corporate leader and development specialist.

The programme builds on contemporary leadership thinking with an emphasis on practical competencies that make a difference in everyday work situations. It creates a spacious and productive framework for people to develop as leaders without feeling threatened or rushed, in a way that helps them establish their own leadership flavour and expand their range.

With a fluid and natural approach based on step-by-step procedures and a reliable, proven methodology, Explorations in Leadership provides for individual reflection and small-group interactions combined with respectful, sure footed facilitation and engaging front-of-room teaching.

As well as a major boost to their leadership capabilities, participants report improved self confidence and greater resilience.

If it might be useful to consider Explorations in Leadership for your organisation, please contact me for an initial chat by clicking here.

If you have or lead a group of people who might benefit from some development work, I can design a single or series of programmes that will achieve the lasting change and growth they need, leaving them empowered and inspired and without making them feel threatened during the process.

Similarly, if you already have a group or team development event planned and think it might benefit from some design input or some respectful, sure‑footed facilitation, I can help.

If it might be useful please contact me for an initial chat by clicking here.

Why Good Men Find it Hard to Deal with Anything Less than the ‘Truth’

I’m often working with a male client who says something like: “I can’t stand the politics used by my (female) boss! Why can’t people just say what they mean and do what they say?”.

If by “politics” they are talking about hidden agendas and choices based on favouritism rather than merit, then it might be that there’s an organisational culture issue to address. However, what is more often going on is that my client has:

• a preference for plain-speaking and straight-forward honesty
• a difficulty dealing with the ambiguities of organisations and teams that do often have competing (rather than hidden) priorities
• a boss who can’t afford to be telling everybody directly what to do all the time, and might be trying to protect them from some harsh realities.

Now new research, published by the Public Library of Science (PLOS), shows that there’s a link between levels of testosterone in men and their desire to be ‘truthful’ – which is I think is part of the issue here.

The kind of men who have risen to be leaders themselves are often driven people – and likely to be at least slightly testosterone-fueled. The links go roughly like this:

• higher-levels of testosterone in men -> higher self-esteem
• higher self-esteem -> greater desire for (in my words) “congruity”
  - ie saying and doing on the outside what you believe to be true on the inside.

And I think it’s this hidden driver that can make it tough for some men to work with a (female) boss who is perfectly congruent (and capable) of handling a much more ambiguous and complex web of personal- and task-relationships.

The answers of course are for both to learn that the other may have a different way of defining what is the ‘right’ way to handle the truth; for men to learn that there is often more than one version of the truth possible at any given time – and for female leaders to practice being straight-forward yet not directive with their male colleagues.

To slightly misquote Neils Bohr:

The opposite of a great truth, is another great truth!

Reflecting on what a real sense of purpose feels like

We went to see an exhibition by the artist Rob Ryan, who produces wonderful paper cuts, screen prints and ceramics. Apart from being inspired by the beauty and story in Rob’s pieces, we had to buy the ‘Four Seasons’ set of plates, mostly because of this one, that reads “Give Me Work To Last Me All My Life”.

I don’t know what Rob had in mind when he made this, but I do know that it spoke to a deep longing in me, in a really special way. I imagined being on that ladder, labouring to pick the fruits that I’d tended through the year. I thought about how the different seasons would run: the physical effort of picking; the tender, watchful work of winter; perhaps feeling like a nervous parent as new shoots showed in spring; and the connected, wordly work of building our reputation, of making a market for our crop to sell into after the intense work of harvest time.

I want that; maybe more than I want leisure and possessions, I want that purpose.